guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
as a side note pls kill me
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