After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
