You smell like a Billy Joel song
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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