Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
