sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
