I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
