she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
