it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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