And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
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