it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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