Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
