the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
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