I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Sext me about skeletons
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
