Whod you bang
Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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