i think i have herpe
just one?
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
