She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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