Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Randomize
