evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
