Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
