if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Randomize
