I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
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