Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
