If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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