____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
