thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
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