I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
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