You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Randomize
