I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
His hands were made for my vagina.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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