I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
