so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Randomize
