you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
you didnt know i had herpes?
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
