She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
