I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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