Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
