If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
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I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
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She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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