I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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