If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
Randomize
