____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
false alarm, still single
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
