No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
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