I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
