then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
