my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
