Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Are we still banned from the library?
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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