He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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