I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
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