my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
