Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
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