We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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