after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Don't tell me you're on acid again
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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