I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Buhtt sex?
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Randomize
