yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
