i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
