I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
i would punch a child for taco bell
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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