There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Randomize
