finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
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