after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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