you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I lost the right to judge tonight
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
