You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
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I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
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Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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