so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I will pee on everything he values.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
