This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
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