You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
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