she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
