We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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