I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
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her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
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When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
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