I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
