I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
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