I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
