I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Randomize
