I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize
