i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
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I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
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The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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