oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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