so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
