I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
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